- Notes from the harbor
- Posts
- Query letter breakdown
Query letter breakdown
Writing money, copy edits, and the query letter that got me my agent
General news
August was a busy month! There was trying (and failing) to go to WorldCon (I had a terrible experience with canceled flights that makes me never want to book travel in August again); a few exciting acceptances for short pieces I’ll be able to talk about soon; and of course announcing my debut novel! ICYMI, BEHOOVED is going to be published in May 2025 and is available to add on Goodreads and preorder now!
A few other things that have happened in the last month:
-I got paid for BEHOOVED! This means so much to me—not only because my work is valued, but also because this is a life-changing amount of money at a much-needed time. I’m still working through some tax stuff before I can actually use the money (maybe I should do a post on that some other time), but this is a huge milestone. I almost cried when it showed up in my bank account, and I am not really a crier.
-As a small note, as part of cleaning up my website a bit for BEHOOVED stuff, I have moved the location of my editing services booking form. It’s still there under the contact section, but if you’re looking for very affordable query package editing services, here’s a direct link to the form.
-I’ve also been busy with mentoring for Round Table Mentor—I have four talented mentees, one of whom is now back in the query trenches!
Writing updates
I’ve just turned in copy edits for BEHOOVED, which is wildly exciting! I’ve dreamed of getting to the copy edits stage for years and it’s finally here! In case you don’t know, copy edits is where an editor combs through the manuscript for any errors in grammar, punctuation, and consistency—for instance, time or location errors. This is also the last opportunity to make substantial changes to the book, so I also read through the entire manuscript again to make any final changes. In other words, it’s basically done!
I expect there should be news about a cover reveal and arcs not too far from now—if you haven’t subscribed already, make sure to do so if you don’t want to miss being notified!
I’m also continuing to draft book 2 (not a sequel—the second book in my contract). This is shaping up to be one of my longest first drafts in awhile, which is making me nervous, especially since I’m not a particularly speedy drafter and I’m on a somewhat tight deadline to turn this in to my editors. But I’m very excited about the book! It’s a lot of fun and has perfect spooky season vibes to match up with the current weather.
Crafty Corner
For today’s newsletter I thought I would share and analyze the query letter that got me my offer of representation for BEHOOVED, as well as quite a few other full requests! If you didn’t know already, I love query letters (though not querying itself, ugh)—they’re one of my favorite things to edit, and I usually do a query-style pitch for my new projects before I draft. It’s an important skill for pitching your work at any stage of publication.
Anyway, here it is! The numbers all designate points I’m discussing below.
Dear Maddy Belton,
I’m excited to present BEHOOVED, an 88,000 word [1] standalone adult romantasy with #ownvoices queer and disability representation. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the tone of The Great, the fantasy romance of The Undertaking of Hart & Mercy, and are eager for My Lady Jane for an adult audience. [2]
Chronically ill duchess Bianca knows her duty comes before her heart. [3] So when the threat of a war to annex her country’s magical weaponry looms from the neighboring kingdom, Bianca agrees to marry the kingdom’s new heir to ratify a hasty peace treaty. Her betrothed, Aric, might be cold and aloof—not to mention apparently hating Bianca on sight—but Bianca is determined to avert war and finally prove her worth to her family. Even though the more she gets to know Aric, the less it seems he wanted to wage war in the first place—at least, on anyone except Bianca. [4]
Then, on her wedding night, an assassin strikes—and Bianca, misfiring one of her country’s magical defenses, accidentally turns Aric into a horse. [5] Framed for his murder and caught in a conspiracy against the throne, she makes a hasty escape with her transmogrified new husband. On the run, she soon discovers Aric isn’t the man, or even the horse, she thought he was—and that unknown forces were behind the threats of war. If Bianca can’t discover who wants them both dead, reverse the enchantment, and learn to trust her heart, she’ll lose not only the peace treaty and her family’s approval, but also the husband she’s unexpectedly falling for. [6]
I’m a bisexual writer with celiac disease, an avid swing dancer, and an unapologetic bird nerd. My writing has appeared in publications including PodCastle, Phantom House Press, Barely South Review, Tiny Seed Literary Journal, and Poets Reading the News. I was previously represented by [redacted]; my agent and I have amicably parted ways. [7] After several years in the classroom, I’m now charting new paths in both my writing and day job careers.
Content warning: please be aware that the attached pages include an instance of ableism. [8]
Sincerely,
Marina (she/her)
Writing as M. Stevenson
1 - 88k is on the short side according to conventional wisdom about adult fantasy, but the novel is fast-paced and punchy and that length leaves room for edits, so I felt confident in this word count. I went on sub at 93k after revisions and am landing at just under 98k for publication.
2 - My comps are kind of terrible! If I’d queried in 2024 I would have found plenty of published romantasy comps, but there wasn’t much out yet in summer 2023 because I lucked out by being just at the start of the romantasy wave. MLJ was not announced as a show yet, so this was a bit of a stretch, but I’d been told by multiple beta readers I needed to comp it (confession: I had not read the book yet because I was nervous it was too close of a comp—I only learned of its existence after I’d written and revised BEHOOVED). The comps my agent used when we went on submission were Emily Wilde, Legends & Lattes, and Shrek for adults. Anyway, having weak comps doesn’t mean you can’t find representation!
3 - This is the heart of the story! I’m so pleased that this is almost verbatim on my final cover copy.
4 - Note that this paragraph is all set up. We have Bianca’s initial goals, conflicts, and stakes, as well as the beginnings of the romance.
5 - Here’s the catalyst of the story! The beginning of plot paragraph 2 is a great place for this, imo—it makes it stand out visually and ramps up the action.
6 - The rest of this paragraph shows where the plot is heading and builds up the stakes and the romance, then ends with the new goals and what the consequences of failure are. I always recommend ending the plot paragraphs of a query with the stakes and consequences!
7 - I’ve redacted the details of my previous representation for this newsletter, but this is how I discussed that I was seeking a new agent. I seem to have left out that BEHOOVED had never been on submission in this particular query, but I included that note in later versions (Maddy was one of the first agents I queried because she was one of my top picks, even before the call).
8 - Content warnings are not strictly necessary, but generally appreciated. I included a full list at the beginning of the full manuscript; this was the only one for the sample pages.
It was interesting to see this evolve from query to pitch to final cover copy—as you can see, a lot of it is very similar, though final versions are playing up the fairy tale vibes and coziness a bit more!
Book recommendation
This month’s book rec is The Phoenix Keeper by S.A. MacLean! It’s out now, though I was lucky enough to read it before it released. It’s a cozy adult fantasy with a sweet queer romance set in a magical zoo, and it also has great anxiety representation. If you want a book that lets you take your time settling in with a zoo full of magical animals, this is definitely one to check out!
Fall is my favorite season—I hope you’re enjoying the weather, wherever you are!
~Marina